Stay In My Arms (If You Dare)
by LittleTayy
Summary: Kathryn's heart thundered in her chest, eyes wide and tear filled at his admission. She hadn't imagined that he'd still feel that way for her; that he still loved her. They'd been through so much and her heart and mind had resigned themselves to the fact she'd always have to love him from afar, never to have him as her own. Post Endgame.


**Stay In My Arms (If You Dare)**

* * *

" _Don't make me close one more door_ _  
_ _I don't want to hurt anymore_ _  
_ _Stay in my arms if you dare_ _  
_ _Or must I imagine you there_ _  
_ _Don't walk away from me_ _  
_ _I have nothing, nothing, nothing_ _  
_ _If I don't have you…"_

' _I Have Nothing' by Whitney Houston_

* * *

It's _Voyager_ ' _s_ Homecoming Ball and the smile plastered onto her face is fake. She'd been wearing it well since Voyager had returned to the Alpha Quadrant and made its miraculous return home to Earth. The smile was starting to suffocate her now though; after all it's been four weeks and she's worn it through debriefings and ceremonies and she thinks, no one's questioned her apparently undeniable happiness at being home.

And it's not that she _isn't_ happy. Because she is, very much so, at having _finally_ made it home after seven long and tumultuous years; but her happiness is surface deep. She had thought getting back to the Alpha Quadrant would leave her exuberant, it had been her sole mission the last seven years but now that she was here, she felt empty.

The emptiness was settling into her soul and her bones like it never had before and her heart ached with each moment that passed. It only got worse as her gaze, albeit her intentions otherwise, seemed to hone in on her First Officer and his whereabouts throughout the night. The fact he'd entered the ballroom with Seven, _Annika_ , on is arm hadn't escaped her notice. In fact, it only served to hurt her heart more.

With a sigh, she made her way towards a quiet, unoccupied corner of the room. She needed a moment to breathe and brood in peace; and to get away from the apparently handsy Admirals that seemed to be in attendance. It seemed her dress had invited some unwanted admirers.

Her dress was long forest green silk, the back scooping low, her hair wisped and curled around her shoulders. It was the most revealingthing she'd worn in seven years and she'd balked at it the first time she'd laid eyes on it. Even now she still felt a little unlike herself, actually unlike the _Captain_ but she reminded herself, she didn't have to be _only_ the Captain anymore.

That thought alone should've brought relief to her but it didn't. The heaviness she'd been feeling wouldn't allow her to take joy in the smallest, simplest of offerings anymore. The only time since her feet had touched down on Earth that she felt any kind of happiness had been the all too brief hug she and Chakotay had shared only a week ago after their last debriefing. The hug had been short lived, both of them pulling away slowly, relishing the last feel of each other before they were recalled back to reality.

So lost in her ruminations, she hadn't noticed the presence that had sidled up beside her; a remarkable feat really, considering she had always been so attuned to his body. Especially when it was so close to hers. His voice and warmth breath against her ear startled her, head whipping to the side to look at him quickly, smile spreading easily over her features as she saw the appearance of his dimples.

"Chakotay," she breathed lowly, almost surprised he was even beside her. Her gaze flowed over him easily, reaching a hand out to touch his bicep lightly before taking a small step back, giving them space.

"Kathryn," he greets her, voice like warm honey, "Finally taking a reprieve from the _meet and greets_?" he asked jovially, though there was an undeniable tone of understanding in his voice. He knew how taxing all the formalities would've been for her; how much she quite despised them. But she was the captain and it was unfortunate for her that she was to be the face of Voyager.

Kathryn laughed drily, shaking her head at his words. "I didn't think I'd ever get away from Admiral Parsons," she admitted, a smirk quirking her lips as she gazed up at her second in command. "He seemed _determined_ to know every single little detail about the Delta Quadrant. Thank _goodness_ Harry Kim's parents wanted to meet me. I don't think I'd have gotten away otherwise," she snorts, shaking her head as she tears her eyes away from him, instead focusing out over the Ball taking place.

She'd sequestered herself into a corner, away from leery Admirals and gushing families, to take a minute for her self. It was far too much for her, far too overwhelming. Now, having him standing next to her, so close she could feel the heat radiating off his body, she felt almost claustrophobic.

"Why didn't you signal me? You know I would've come to save you. It's my job…" he trails off then, his expression hard to read.

She sighs then, looking down for a moment at the floor, taking a deep steadying breath. Looking back up at him, she saw the frown and furrowed eyebrows as his gaze burned into her; his look was intense and she suddenly felt fear spike through her.

The tension was thick between them and Kathryn wanted to turn tail and run. She couldn't _do_ this with him, not here and not now. But as he stepped closer, his chest only a hairsbreadth away from her bare arm, she felt a shiver run through her. As soon as their eyes connected, his dark chocolate brown into her ice blue, she knew she'd lost.

"Dance with me?" He asked, a large hand coming up in front of her, palm upturned, offering, as if sparks didn't fly whenever their skin touched.

She hesitated, she really shouldn't, and she knew it was dangerous. Once they were in each other's arms, she wasn't sure if she could conceivably let him go again. This was too close, too intimate but looking up into his eyes, she couldn't deny him any longer.

"Of course," she agreed, a large lilting smile gracing her features as she brought her hand up to rest in his waiting one. She gives his hand a gentle squeeze as she notices the bright smile that flits across his face as he takes her hand and leads her out onto the dance floor in the centre of the room.

It takes them a moment to navigate around the tables and Admirals and crewmembers families but eventually, they make it to the dance floor, hands still gently entwined. There seemed to be a dozen or so couples swaying together on the dance floor already and as the music changed, Kathryn noticed with trepidation and delight that the couples seemed to press closer together. That fact, she was sure, wasn't lost on the Commander but he did nothing but lead her more firmly onto the dance floor, his large hand still engulfing hers and urging her to face him. If she didn't know any better, Kathryn would've assumed he'd somehow set up this almost intimate waltz that seemed to be playing.

His hand holds hers more securely now, as his arm moves to wrap around her waist, hand settling surprisingly low on her bare back. His warm touch has her body jolting, the blush rising to her cheeks and as their bodies press close together she hopes he doesn't notice. They start slow, a little unsure of exactly what they're doing but it doesn't take long for them to fall into a rhythm and sway.

"I never took you for a dancer, Chakotay," Kathryn husks once they've found their footing, her voice far too breathless for her own liking. She chances a glance up at him and regrets her decision when his eyes find hers immediately and she can feel the intense attraction sizzling around them. Her lips part, tongue flicking out over her lips for a moment, their bodies pressing deliciously closer, _too_ much so and all she can seem to think about is the taste of his lips.

Kathryn shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as she realized Chakotay had responded to her words. The flush on her cheeks brightened she was sure and though it was a vain hope, she'd rather not have Chakotay notice. "I'm sorry, what'd you say?" She asked, trying to keep her voice even and her mind from wondering like it had only moments before.

The chuckle that reverberated from the Commander sent a thrill through her and she couldn't help but smirk. "Something on your mind _, Kathryn_?" he murmured, voice low and the way he said her name, the way he'd always said it, had her insides melting like she was a schoolgirl once again. "And, I'm not really a dancer. I just know some of the basics. You though, I always wondered; you seem to have…what do they call it? A _dancer's body_ ," he told her, smirk wide and dimples on full display, as he pressed her body more firmly against his own.

Her eyes widened, if she didn't know any better she'd have thought he was flirting with her. Surely he wouldn't, not here and not now and _surely_ not so blatantly. But there seemed to be a twinkle in his eye and a dangerous edge to his smirk, one she was having a hard time resisting it seemed. A beat passed then and a thought crossed her mind, two can play this game and a devious smirk spread across her features.

"I did dance, my mother insisted on it. Said I couldn't always have my head in the stars or in my science books. I was quite flexible actually," she commented, though there was a non-chalance to her words, the almost heated and challenging stare she was giving him, suggested otherwise.

He looked startled for a moment, lips quirking to reply when a hand on his arm and a voice echoing from beside them, brought them out of their bubble. Seven stood there in her pretty and sleek dress, hair surprisingly down and reality came crashing down on Kathryn like a ton of bricks. Whatever they had been doing, _flirting_ , had been entirely and utterly inappropriate; as had the way their bodies had seemingly melted together.

Kathryn pulled away from him as if she'd been shocked, eyes wide as she realized the spectacle they had most assuredly made of themselves in front of so many people. "Seven," she nodded, a tight smile upon her lips as she turned and made her way through the throng of people. It was rude, she knew but she couldn't think of anything to say. She just wanted to get out of there and away from him before she made more of a fool of herself.

She'd made it out into the foyer, heading towards a courtyard, hoping beyond hope that there would be some privacy there. The tears had been threatening to overflow as she'd made her escape and now, surrounded by the lush greenery completely alone, they finally fell. It seemed as if she'd been holding them in all night and now that she was finally allowing herself to cry, they were coming hard and fast and she hoped that no one found her out here, bawling her eyes out.

Her hopes were dashed however, after only moments she heard the doors closing behind her. Kathryn didn't need to turn around to see who it was; there was only one person that would be following her and she hated that he would see her at her weakest moment right now. A hand quickly came up to wipe haplessly at the tears streaking down her cheeks, no doubt ruining the eye makeup her sister and so precisely applied. She took several deep and steadying breathes, trying to calm her self down before she could turn and face the man. But, it seemed he had other ideas.

"Kathryn?" He asked, voice soft and hesitant as he stepped closer, moving around her to stand in front of her. His eyes caught the mussed mascara and the tears and he looked so sad, Kathryn couldn't take it. Why on Earth would _he_ be sad? She was the one with the broken heart; he was the one that had moved on and fallen in love with her protégé.

Suddenly, Kathryn wasn't crying anymore. Instead, she felt the anger bubbling up in her and her eyes turned from glassy and tear filled to a heated glare, aimed directly at her former First Officer.

"How _could_ you?" She hissed somewhat irrationally; her anger was misplaced but it was the only outlet she'd allow herself at this moment. "I knew, I _knew_ you couldn't and wouldn't wait around for me forever. But, damn it Chakotay! How could you, with Seven! Of all people? She's…" She started, before cutting herself off and shaking her head. This wasn't really about Seven. "No, this isn't about her. This is about us! And everything I thought we had…I wanted you to be happy, I love you enough to _want_ you to be happy even if it's not with me. But then…then that dance? Why would you do that to me Chakotay? Surely… _surely_ you know how I still feel about you!" She exclaimed, hands gesticulating angrily in the space between.

"You love me?" Chakotay breathed the words as if they were precious and Kathryn suddenly stopped. Chakotay was looking at her wide eyed and stunned, like he couldn't believe what she'd just admitted to him.

"That's…" Kathryn started breathlessly, unable to form a sentence to explain away her words. So instead, she settled for the truth. "Of course I do, Chakotay. I've loved you ever since New Earth…" she admitted softly, the anger she'd been feeling only moments before having dissipated to quiet resignation. "Not having you by my side every day these last few weeks has been harder then I'd ever imagined it would be. I can barely breathe without you around," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I'll learn to live with it," she voiced as an afterthought.

"Kathryn Janeway, why would you ever have to learn to live without me?" Chakotay asked his tone almost amused.

Kathryn looked up at him sharply, not quite sure what he was implying by his words. "You…and Seven. I imagine you'll want to be with her and…we're not exactly in a Command structure anymore," the words she spoke were pained, "I don't see how we'd-"

"Stop," his voice was quiet and firm, cutting off her words. His eyes found hers and Kathryn found herself sinking into them, as she sometimes had a habit of doing. "Kathryn, Annika and I…we aren't an item. Not anymore," he told her firmly and Kathryn could see the truth in his eyes and in his words. Even still, she felt a need to question him.

"Then why did you arrive together?" Kathryn questioned obstinately, lips pursing as she looked up at him.

Chakotay couldn't help the slightly amused smile that graced his lips as he answered, "I agreed to escort her as a friend. She'd never been to a Ball and she was nervous. She'd have asked her Captain about the social event, but you seemed to be quite unreachable the last few weeks. And with the Doctor currently not around, I was the next best thing."

The words were genuine and Kathryn almost felt bad for her disappearing act. The debriefings had legitimately taken up most of the time but she also couldn't deny that she'd been desperately trying to avoid Seven since they'd landed back on Earth. It had been a childish thing to do but Kathryn had convinced herself it was a necessity. After all, she didn't think she could focus on her debriefings if Seven brought up Chakotay and their relationship.

Except, it seems, they weren't in a relationship anymore. The thought shouldn't relieve her as much as it did but she couldn't help herself. Kathryn had no _real_ claim over Chakotay but knowing he wasn't with anyone else at the moment had a heaviness lifting from her chest.

"Oh," she said after a moment, knowing her cheeks were probably blotching red by now. "I'm sorry," she told him sincerely; ashamed almost of having cut the young woman so easily out of her life these last few weeks.

"I'm not the person you should be apologizing too," Chakotay told her after a moment. "But, you don't have to do that right now. I think right now, we have quite a bit to talk about. Don't you?" He suggested, reaching a hand out to tentatively take her hand in his. She could feel the electricity flowing between them just as it had earlier and was suddenly aware of the pounding of her heart.

"What do we have to talk about?" She asked vaguely, reverting back to her Captain persona, though she didn't mean too. She felt, more then heard the sigh that left Chakotay's lips as he squeezed her hand gently.

"Come, sit," Chakotay urged, using the hand he held to pull her gently towards a stone bench that bordered along a window into the ballroom.

They settled beside each other, neither letting go of each other's hands. Kathryn's gaze dropped down to their joined hands resting atop Chakotay's knee. They were angled towards each other and though only their knees were touching, she could feel Chakotay's thumb rubbing softly over her knuckles.

"You love me," it was a statement, not a question but Kathryn answered affirmatively.

"I do. I have for a long time," she continued softly, eyes looking across to his, delighted to see the love and warmth in his own eyes staring back at her. "But on Voyager, it just…it couldn't have happened. I resigned myself to that. I knew you'd move on one day and I was prepared for that, accepted it even. Then we got back to the Alpha Quadrant…" she trailed off, sighing sadly. She took a moment to compose herself, lips pressing tightly together for a moment before she spoke again. "Then we got back here, decades earlier then any of us had anticipated but it was too late. Or, I thought it was. Either way, knowing we finally had the chance to be together but thinking you'd finally moved on…it was heartbreaking Chakotay," her voice wavered then, the emotion almost overwhelming her. "Then that dance…and being interrupted by Seven. It was too much," she admitted softly, sadly.

She took a shuddering breath, trying to keep her emotions in check as her gaze flicked towards the window, seeing bodies move through the large ballroom. She needed a moment just to regain her composure.

"I'm sorry," Chakotay eventually spoke, letting them have a moment of silence with their thoughts.

"No," she frowned, "You don't have to apologise. I know I've never had a claim to you Chakotay," Kathryn tried to explain, her hand squeezing his as she tried to convey her message.

"But I do, Kathryn," Chakotay interrupted her again. "Let me explain now, please? I'm sorry for first, not telling you Seven and I were…together and then for not telling you we had ended our dalliance. I should've told you last week but I thought you'd heard. You invited me, after all. And secondly, I'm sorry for ever making you doubt my love for you because I _do_ love you Kathryn Janeway. Hear that? Present tense…I may have tried to move on, but you have a claim to my heart. You always have," he told her softly, lifting his free hand up to brush gently against her cheek, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear lightly.

Kathryn's heart thundered in her chest, eyes wide and tear filled at his admission. She hadn't imagined that he'd still feel that way for her; that he still loved her. They'd been through so much and her heart and mind had resigned themselves to the fact she'd always have to love him from afar, never to have him as her own.

But that wasn't to be.

"Chakotay," she breathed his name almost reverently, eyes locked with his, hoping he could see her love for him shining through.

Chakotay smiled, dimples on full display as he slowly stood up, a hand still holding hers. "Will you dance with me Kathryn?" He asked sweetly, giving her hand a gentle tug, helping her stand up.

"What?" She asked breathlessly, surprised by his request. It wasn't what she'd been expecting to happen.

"Will you dance with me?" He asked again, "I want to hold you in my arms," he explained, still smiling that same sweet and loving smile at her.

"Of course," she nodded, her own loving smile spreading across her face as she stepped closer to him, the heat electric between them as their bodies pressed closely together. His hands fell to hold her waist, one slipping further around to press the heat of his hand against her bare skin. Her own smoothed up his toned arms, coming to rest interlaced against his neck, fingers playing in the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

"I love you," Chakotay whispered to her as they gently swayed to the faint music that could be heard through the window of the ballroom.

"I love you too," Kathryn murmured back, smiling widely up at him as she leaned up to press a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. They stayed in the embrace for several long moments before pulling back, both slightly breathless as they rested their foreheads against each other.

"I know we have a lot to work out," Chakotay begun again, "But what I do know is that I want you to stay in my arms forever. I never want to let you go again," he admitted freely, pressing her imperceptibly closer.

Kathryn smiled at his words, her own arms tightening slightly. "We do. But right here, in your arms? There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she murmured against his lips, pulling him into another sweet and loving kiss.

* * *

 _AN: This is my first ever Star Trek Voyager fic. I don't know how it got so long, but here you go. I'd love some feedback. Hopefully I didn't completely write Janeway and Chakotay OOC. That'd be the absolute worst._

 _Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please review! :) LT._


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